The Void of a Fallout

The bottled drink of decadence

corroded my mind on this night

The Reaper offered condolence

as Fate passed into sight


Signs in the sky and pavement

show me I'm not welcome here

This wasteland is all but vacant

Lost souls drift away far and near


Where is this man to go now?

Walking alone in the fallout


I'm no longer in what I thought was heaven

Instead I'm in the haven of the damned

Artificial angels soar in the dust clouds

Oh God, where is this man but in doubt?


The door of death is now open

He ponders the sulfurous smell

The demon crawlss back slowly in

Back from the darkest void of hell


He is no longer tested physically

His mind perceives nothing true

You tested Fate's lovely cruelty

It doesn't want possessions; only you


Who is this lonely man now?

Now a remnant of the final fallout

Untitled

Ever since the clove of my birth, life has been a struggle. I don't believe there has been one day where there has ever truly been a moment of piece. Every day is a new fight, a new cliff and a new bottom. Times have changed and the sequences of those events are not as closely intertwined as they were before. but they still exist.

And although I am in a new place, with new faces, new blessings, there is still that same darkness, that same presence that has followed me since the beginning. He is always there, in the eyes of a stranger, beneath the cracks of the cobbled and broken bricks, in the shadows of the trees. It's like no matter what I do, or where I go, nothing changes. Sure some of the residential ones have left and that's why I know not to visit those places again, primarily because the Holy Spirit led me to not go there. But he is always there no matter what, vile and evil and I can see him, even when others can not. Because he is not interested in their world; their own blindness deceives them so why should he put forth any effort?

Perhaps this is the reason why friends are non-existant.....families are there then taken away. I am always moving, like a lone vagabond.

Places I Don't Care To Live

Ok so I have visited a few cities now and know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that there are a few that God probably does not intend for me to live in......ever. Number one: Washington D.C. This city is so filled up with politics and fake people in general, it's almost impossible to even know if the Starbucks on the end of the street corner is really Starbucks or not. And it's not just D.C it is about every city in Northern Virginia too. The people appear to be nice, but trust me, its totally the opposite way around. Number two: Boston. This city had many more perks than D.C. (Fenway Park, Boston Harbor, the small Italian corner of the city) but frankly it felt a little boring. You have Harvard, Yale and Cambridge, along with other "big name" colleges, but I guess because it is such an academic machination in such a small area, the college students lack personality. The only people I saw with a personality were the street performers and the homeless. In fact, Boston just felt like an industrialized version of Camden County with more individuals from Asian or Korean descent. What was strange was how many people loved, I mean adored, country music! It was on the streets, at the baseball game, in the church we helped build, everywhere it seemed. The same could be said about Philadelphia too, although Philly was more diverse. It wasn't as clean as Boston but it was ok. It fell in the category between D.C. and Boston. Oh well, at least I know now haha.

Sleep

Ok so it's 2 in the morning right now, there is some distant thunder that can be heard through the stained window and hollow walls, and I can't sleep! I am wide awake at the moment and can not seem to fall asleep for the life of me. If I was a night bird that would be cool, because then I could watch the lightning spray across the sky like graffiti amidst a wall of black. Soaring, drifting, the billowing winds giving my body buoyancy as I sail through waves of trees and branches. The pale moonlight would provide just enough visibility to narrowly miss certain objects in my path, such as a dimming streetlight (enshrouded by a cloud of fog) might do for a quiet loner, wandering the streets vacantly at night. Such as I am, such will I be. Well, goodnight!

Things On My Mind

What would it be like to touch the sky, like dipping a finger into water? What if death wasn't viewed so bad by the world, but was seen as a new beginning? Why is forgiveness and forgetting such a hard combination? If love is patient, and if love is kind, then why do we mistake love for lust? Why is being single and happy such a crime to others that it involves an investigation?

""No" simply means begin again one level higher."
"When faced with two options........choose both."
"If you can't win, change the rules. If you can't change the rules, ignore them."
"The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live."
"Don't walk when you can run."
"Start at the top then work your way up."
"When faced without a challenge, make one."

The Sun.....a rebellious vampire

Ok so now that I have finally embraced my Cherokee Indian roots thanks to the sun, I wanted your opinions on this theory. My friend/ lifeguard Beth Lefoy and I came up with this idea that the sun is a rebellious vampire. Now to justify this, we noticed how the sun can literally drain the life right out of you, even sometimes causing death (heatstroke, sun poisoining, skin cancer, etc). So after a day of prolonged exposure to the sun (about six hours straight), screaming kids numbering about 100 and little water breaks, we came up with the ingenious theory that because the sun is draining the life out of us it must be a vampire. But unlike "normal vampires", the sun is out all day and has embraced the sunlight, in fact becoming the one thing his "kind" hates. Therefore, he must have rebelled. Instead of draining people dry by sucking their blood, he has decided to drain them of their life, their happiness and their sanity. But thankfully we have the grey guardians on our side (they protect the human race). That is for another post on another day. Thank you to Beth for many insights into the mysteries of life.