So, what a week this has been. My dog, Sampson, died on Monday and today has just been very weird. I feel very diconnected from a lot of people, as if I am a fallen leaf drifting silently down a stream. The paths right now for my life seem clear but at the moment, even when my intuition senses are at the peak, nothing seems to be happening.
The darkness that ever clouded my life has vanished since the beginning of this year; either due to multitudes of people consistently praying for me or from a new, braver and more positive approach to life. In my opinion, it's a combination of the two. I struggle with wanting to fully pursue a career in acting, performing arts, music and fashion and to want to find that other half of me in my future partner. I feel by the middle to the end of August I will be ready to have that long-term relationship, yet if (like the psychic and I both predict) I end up moving to NY or Seattle by the end of the year, it would be very difficult to choose between the two. Ultimately I want to have both, however, that would be asking a lot from my boyfriend. So, in reality, at some point a choice will have to be made, but I want the choice to be reflective of something that can be extended and maintained well into the future; not just for a couple of months or even a year.
Career-wise I know I would fully dedicate myself to the art and music that I want to create. Relationship-wise I know that I am looking for that special person whom I can spend the rest of my life with. someone who loves me unconditionally and sees me better than I see myself, the other half of me, the one whom I would lay down my life for and most likely will end up doing so. In the end, who knows? Right now, it's just a matter of patience, perserverance and waiting. Taking each day as it comes and not trying to take control of a situation, but just have faith that God will provide and have the best plan in mind. Faith and hope is all I have in this world right now; love is slowly being built back up through the friendships I have now and I can only continue to hope that there will be someone who sees me as their equal, their other half, their reason for breathing. God is my hope and He's the only one who has ever loved me consistently. My faith in Him is undeniable and may I only lay my life down for Him in the end.
I have hope that there is a man out there for me, a woman out there for you and that other half out there for all of us. "I won't let you give up on a miracle when it might save you." - Paramore
